Making your Relationship WORK 101: God’s Way”

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Retrieved from: Heather Lindsey. Blogged: May 8, 2012

Soo, you finally met your “Adam”– your boo! And you looooove him so much!

So much.. sometimes, you want to EXPRESS it physically by kissing, rubbing, cuddling.. or maybe even sex. YOU want to feel close to him …BUT deep down, YOU want your relationship to glorify God. YOU don’t want your relationships to mirror your past relationships but you can’t quite figure out how to “court” or date .. God’s way. You KEEP taking your past ways of thinking from the world.. into your courting relationship and you find yourself having to choose between GOD and your man, often. So you both have sex, repent and give that area to God.. OVER & OVER again. You’re TIRED. You WANT to live for GOD for real but you aren’t convinced that you should break up with your boo. YOU want to make things work but you just cannot figure out how to turn off that switch. You could be engaged and SO close to the wedding day– HOW do you abstain?!?

Well, this post may be for you if any of the above applied to you. And trust me sisters, I have BEEN there & DONE all that. I dated as a Christian but was STILL all up in the world & I courted God’s way– where my husband and I didn’t kiss until our wedding day. We courted for 1 year and 8 months and kissed for the first time on 8/14/2010. I blogged about it here. SO, let’s first quickly break down the difference between courting & dating.

Dating vs. Courting 101
Before we even get into that– let’s just make sure that we’re ALL on the same page. YOU don’t get into a relationship with an unbeliever. (2 Corinthians 6:14-15). SOOO, if he says he’s a Christian, but he wants to be a drug-dealing, thug rapper that curses every 5 minutes– he aint the one. OR to bring it closer to home.. if he goes to “church” but tries to screw you every 5 minutes, HE aint the one. A tree is identified by it’s FRUIT. FRUIT of your salvation is a changed life. You can’t just “say” you’re a Christian cuz you go to church. Demons can do that.
Courtship:
  • Takes the position that the two people have no physical contact at all (no touching, no hand-holding, no kissing) until marriage. 
  • Many in a courtship relationship will not spend any time together unless family members, preferably parents, are present at all times.
  •  Courting couples state up front that their intentions are to see if the other person is a suitable potential marriage partner. 
  • Courtship allows for the two people to truly get to know each other in a more platonic setting without the pressures of physical intimacy or emotions clouding their view.
Dating:
  • Spends a ton of time alone which presents a ton of temptations
  • Family isn’t as involved
  • Foreplay, not going all the way, going all the way, “test driving each other”
  • No clear purpose– just a lot of conditional dating & confusion on “where is this relationship going??!)
  • Plays house. Calls each other wifey & hubby & does husband & wife like things but has no commitment
  • There’s still a option to date others, ya’ll aren’t totally sold & still “trying each other out”
My husband and I courted ALL day. We STAYED out in groups with people and family & we were rarely alone in our almost 2 year courting process. It was great for him and I to see how each other interacted with others in large groups. Was it hard?! UM, YES. It wasn’t EASY but if it was EASY, everybody would do it. But as a wife, I see the FRUIT of it. It’s pretty amazing. Beyond amazing. Mind-blowing amazing.
Ok, let’s get to the nitty griddy! 
 
HOW to make sure your relationship GLORIFIES God 
 
1. STOP having sex. If you’re having sex & ya’ll aint married. JUST STOP IT! HAVING sex is SEPARATING you from GOD! God may be trying to speak to you concerning that guy.. but you can’t hear because your vision is all clouded because you’re in “love“– you aint in love, you’re in lust.LOVE waits until marriage. So first step– go to God– MAKE sure that God is ok with you even staying with that person. Real talk. HE is JEALOUS for you. If God is cool with you staying with him (and BOTH sides have repented and made a decision to honor God) then start this journey on the same PAGE (amos 3:3). Meaning you SET up some boundaries. STOP cuddling, rubbing, putting yourself in 1:1 situations and if it’s late, you shouldn’t be at each others house! My now husband and I didn’t hang out LATE at each others house! There was NONE of that. We were never at each others home late at night PERIOD. And let’s clear this up– if you cannot STOP having sex– lasciviousness has crept into your relationship. NOW you cannot find the breaks or STOP having sex. BUT you can. YOU will desire whatever you put in front of you & give your attention to.. so tell your little flesh to shut up & be determined to obey GOD. Remember, that man didn’t PAY the price for you. Christ did. So he should keep his paws off your body that doesn’t belong to either one of you until you get MARRIED.
And for those of you who are smiling as you read this & thinking.. “we haven’t had sex.. we have messed around but haven’t gone the whole way”– well, babygirl, I’m talking to YOU as well. Do you think that God doesn’t look at ya’ll playing around with the SAME destest?! It’s a MINDSET. .. “BE HOLY as HE is HOLY”- 1 Peter 1:16

And if you don’t believe me that it’s wrong to have sex outside of marriage, it’s clear here: “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.” – 1 Corinthians 6:18

 
2. Guard your heart. (Proverbs 4:23) STOP watching stupid reality TV songs, going to clubs, love-sex songs, pornography or blogs. DO you know that those things plant seeds in  your heart. Then, you wonder why you want to live it out & be sexual with  your guy! SO stop being all sexual as you sing & dance a beyonce song to your guy. Even IF you’re joking. Men are visual & their APPLIANCES work. WHY test it out?
 
3. Actions. Are you super sexual? Do you dance in front of him a ton? Do you change in front of him or wear low-cut shirts? Do you wear bikinis around him at the pool? JUST STOP. My now husband didn’t see me in a bikini until the HONEYMOON. I didn’t wear low-cut things, showing my goodies. I VALUE myself, thus, I cover up. Plus, Cornelius didn’t pay the price for me yet called marriage, so he didn’t get to see my body. Period. I mean.. why by the milk if you’re getting to see EVERY part of the cow for free.. 
 
4. Tell your emotions to shut up. So of COURSE you want to lay up, kiss, cuddle and do all of those things but at SOME point, you just have to tell your emotions to calm DOWN. When you finally take a stand & obey GOD in your relationship– the flesh won’t have a foothold in your heart– THEN you’ll be able to pass some tests. WHEN you honor God– he will OVERWHELM you with honor. I’m watching the Lord do that in our life. It was HARD not to kiss as we grew in love with each other but we developed emotionally & I’m seeing the fruit as a wife. SO, take ya tail home at night. Tell each other NO. LOVE God more than you love each other. 
 
5. GOD has to be first. This is so cliche. But it’s the truth & this will never change. the above 4 reasons won’t happen unless GOD is really first in  your heart. Spend DAILY time with Him, apply what you learned, serve in your local church, walk in love, pray earnestly for your guy, forgive whoever hurt you– DO your part. When TWO believers come together with their hearts committed to Christ.. YOU both turn into a POWER COUPLE.

6. Spend time with God. THIS will be included in EVERY blog that I do. THIS will never change. When you stay connected with God.. you won’t WANT to sin. YOU will WANT to please GOD. YOU WANT what you put IN front of your face. I blogged about the Journal Challenge. Get on board. Like now.

If you wonder why jealousy, envy, and being controlling is involved in a relationship, it’s evident of WHO you let into your relationship. When you have sex outside of marriage it introduces feelings & unhealthy emotions. WHY even open yourself UP to statan? YOU belong to whoever you obey. Sounds kinda harsh right? … Well, I didn’t say it– Titus 1:16 “They claim to know God, but by their actions they deny him. They are detestable, disobedient and unfit for doing anything good.” & John 8:44: “You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desire”

I’m not saying this to beat you down– I’m trying to CHALLENGE you to change your LIFE & chose GOD over a piece of non-committed meat.A relationship can either be a distraction that leaves you stuck in a ditch– hurt, confused or frustrated– or it can be a bridge that PUSHES you towards Christ. If you’ve messed up in your relationships.. make a decision to start new! Don’t think.. oh, we messed up & God can’t use us and we won’t have the story that “we waited”– DO what GOD is instructing YOU to do.

In my own personal life, I knew if I had sex with my little boyfriends (when I was single)– I KNEW I wasn’t going to marry them. I remember thinking one time afterwards.. well, another one bits the dust. Aint it homie. That may sound weird to you, but I KNEW that I was going to wait with my one-day husband. Of course, I clearly played a role in the above but I KNEW that my one day spouse would have the standard of honoring my body until we got married. I KNEW that the Holy Spirit wasn’t pleased with my yo-yo Christianity life while I was at church on Sunday and staying the night with my little boo on Monday. Like, did I NOT hear what the preacher was saying??! HOW many days was I going to SIT up & IGNORE what I know to be true?!! WE know what to do in our relationships, we just won’t DO it. So today, I challenge YOU to make it RIGHT. I challenge you to take ya tail home at night and to STOP putting yourself in situations where you’re not honoring God. It’s time for us to stop going to God every 5 minutes and begging him for our purpose and direction when we have a pair of thighs up in our bed that didn’t pay the price for us. Step 1: Obey God Step 2: You’ll get the next instructions.

Oh yeah, and God just placed this on my heart before I posted this. I’m not saying this to make you feel you guilty but I gotta write it. WE all can see if you & the guy had sex. Your affection & chemistry & lusty spirit is CLEAR & it’s ALL on you. DO you not know that what you PUT in YOU illuminates OUTSIDE of you?!? Put in God’s word, study, prayer–we can see your heart.. filled with purity and a “glow” about you. If you’re sleeping with your guy.. we can see it in  your eyes. So change. Not for people. But for YOU & GOD. You’re so valuable. So beautiful. Start living, thinking& acting like  it.

Let’s do this right.

God loves you like crazy,

Heather Lindsey

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One Comment Add yours

  1. The True Light! says:

    Absolutely impressive! I believe I heard a recent survey that revealed only about 4% of people abstain from sex when dating. It just does not occur to them that God forbids sexual activity before marriage; and some in this group profess to be Christians!

    No…I cannot condemn nor judge here. For one, we aren’t to judge others…that’s God’s business. For another, I myself was guilty of pre-marital sex. I believe that Satan uses our sexual urges very often, and in various ways, to trip us up…and he is successful much of the time!

    Congratulations to you and your husband for being the great exception here and waiting until marriage!

    ~Steve

    Like

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